Sunday, March 14, 2010

What is more overrated, The Hurt Locker or Pork Slap Beer?

After the first 1/2 hour of The Hurt Locker, I was on the floor doing pushups. It was amazing. Sergeant James made Jake Sully look like a ponce.

And then the same scene happened again, James acted brash.

And then it happened again.

I guess I had high hopes, it had just won an oscar, and before seeing it my father said he heard it was the next coming of Apocalypse Now or Platoon, but God, it wasnt close.

I took a creative writing class once and had a teacher who railed on one of my stories because there was no conflict, and now I see that she was right. The Hurt Locker had no conflict, and therefore, there was no climax, which I now agree, a good movie needs.

And speaking of climaxes, this super hot beer Pork Slap peaks the second it hits your tongue and you say to yourself, "Yes! I am about to drink beer!". (Everyone says that, right?) After that though, all the hub-bub about this "common man's beer" will make you want to drink a Budweiser because the next thing you taste is some sort of fruit.

Or cardamom, or lilacs, or blueberries, or some weird fruity-like thing that you just dont want to exist in your beer! This is beer Dangit! I dont want some sort of fruity taste in my beer! Get it out of here, God please, and give me some hops and barley. I'm going to need to drink IPA's for a week now to get this overrated taste out of my mouth.

So I'm calling BS on this Pork Slap "common man's beer" campaign. Just because it's in a can with a lo-fi logo doesnt mean it's a basic, true beer that everyone will love. In fact it's the opposite, it tastes like it should be served in a fancy glass with a lemon rind hanging over the side.

OK, that said, I'd tell a friend to watch Hurt Locker just for the 1st half alone, and if I was handed a PS beer, I'd wouldnt say no. Plus, it's undeniably wonderful that small breweries exist (especially ones from my beloved Upstate NY).

So, if you by a 12 pack of PS and rent the Hurt Locker, you'll prolly have yourself a decent night, but tbh, I think you'd have a better night if you rented Avatar and drank a 12 pack of National Bohemian.