Chess Battles From Heaven, V

L. Ron Hubbard
vs
Susan B. Anthony

L Ron insists that Susan take the white pieces, but she refuses. He opens with e4, and despite thousands of years of chess strategy declaring not to take your Queen out early, Susan responds with d5... After her pawn is captured, she brings out the Grand Lady and mops the floor with L Ron's pawns, which he refers to as his "eight dynamics".

Chess Battles From Heaven, IV

Ayn Rand
vs
Crispus Attucks

"Every pawn for himself!", Ayn cries as she leads off with an atrociously daring a4. Crispus himself is brazen. He has no qualms about working his pieces into a frenzy, and even throws his wooden pieces across the board. When Crispus tries to take Ayn's pawn, Ayn has a fit, screaming, "You cant take that! How can I play chess with others if I dont have pieces for myself? Mine! Mine! Mine!". Crispus is secretly glad to have avoided the massacre as Ayn takes all of her pieces and storms away.

Chess Battles From Heaven, III

Johnny Appleseed
vs
Copernicus

Despite Johnny Appleseed's effective planting of his pawns all over the board, Copernicus concerns himself with defending the center and wins.

Chess Battles From Heaven, II

Napoleon
vs
Douglas MacArthur

Napoleon attacks with the Bishop's Opening, things dont go his way, he offers a draw. When MacArthur accepts the draw, Napoleon rescinds his offer (typical!) and punches MacArthur in the nose.

MacArthur wins by forfeit.

Chess Battles From Heaven

Jimi Hendrix
vs
Che Guevara

I know what you're thinking... how could a guerilla military strategist lose? But my money's on Hendrix.